Bible Verse: Philippians 2:1-15
WELCOME
Pastor Grant Bowdish:
What isn’t a better way to view a healthy family than a TV sitcom, right? Well, good morning, and my name’s Grant Bowdish. If we haven’t met yet, I’m the care and connections director here and get to preach to you on behalf of Pastor Chris this morning as he is out serving in another place.
4X400
But as we begin this morning in high school and college, I ran track and in high school, my main events were hurdles and the four by four hundred meters was the four by four relay. It’s four guys that with handoffs each run one lap around the track. It’s about a mile long for the race. And so if you’ve never been to a high school track meet, it’s the last race of the meet. It’s in the end of the evening. Typically, every other event is done. No one else is warming up.
So the focus is all on this one event and it’s later at night. So the lights a lot of the times are on. And if a meet is close, this could be the deciding factor whether or not your team won or not. Everyone is focused on this and the four minutes that this race is going on for the energy and the volume is just crazy. And the entire teams typically line up on the last curve of the race to cheer on the guys that are on their team that are running or the girls running theirs. And every team is cheering for the same outcome that therefore guys would win the race. And for those in the race, it’s just a blur of colors and sound as you go across that last turn and you get past that sound and you just look forward towards that guy that’s waiting for the baton for you, for you to pass it on and then them take off.
But even amidst that blur of just voices and colors that you go past, in the big races, you can still hear specific voices calling out to you amongst the crowd. My senior year, we won our league meet four by four. So it’s against schools and guys that I’ve ran against for four years. And I still remember Coach Crow and Coach Elliot’s voices calling out in that race. I still remember a couple of the other seniors, Brandon, that I had ran with him for six years now and Kamara, she called out to me, encouraging me to go and go faster and keep on pressing forward. And the energy and the enthusiasm that the team shared with their runners helps them to go faster and further than they thought they could have went before. It pushes you and just excites you to keep on going because the team is working together.
The runners are working together to finish the race, but those on the side are working together because the better that the members of their team do that are running, the better they end up doing as a whole. And the better that I do, the better that the other three guys on the race do. And the better that you are, the better your team is also.
FAMLIES ARE HEALTHIER WHEN EACH MEMBER IS HEALTHIER
And the same can be true for families. The healthier each member is, the healthier the family is. The healthier that I am, the healthier my family is. And that’s why this whole series, we’re talking about being a healthier family.
And maybe sometimes it feels out of reach to be healthy, just like some races it feels out of reach that you could never win, but we can always be healthier, the same as I could always get faster as an individual. And so two weeks ago we started talking about the foundation of the family, what we are grounded in, who we’re living for, and then last week the roles that we all play within the household. But today we get to dive into the attitudes that we have towards one another in the house, in those roles as we go through this life.
And we get to talk about what happens when there’s good attitudes, but the consequences that we can have if there are bad ones. And maybe you’re sitting there as someone thinking, “I always try to have a positive attitude, but I never feel like it’s reciprocated back to me.” Or maybe you’re wondering, “Why does my house always feel so angry?” We’re all there for each other, but we’re just upset. Well, today we’re going to go beyond just positive and negative attitudes to something a little bit deeper about the loving attitude we can have with a family. And I know that maybe you’re wondering why specifically families, aren’t we supposed to have a good attitude every day with everyone we have? Yes. But I think that it’s easy to tell that our attitudes are direct relationally to our families. If we think just of one question, what do all of our thoughts go to when we see a kid that’s acting bad or has a bad attitude in public? Must be the parents.
ADMIT IT, I HAVE NOT BEEN PERFECT
The attitudes we have are a reflection of our families, whether we want it to be or not. And before we go any further, I will admit I have not been perfect in this. I’ve been short with Riley and not representative of Christ in my actions. I’ve had to ask Miranda for forgiveness when I did not act the way that I should. So this is not me saying that I am perfect, but I am one trying to get healthier with us. And yes, it is a lot to try to be healthy at home and at school and at work and in the grocery store and in traffic and with the dog and the waitress and the neighbor. It feels like a lot of people to put on a happy face for. But my goal is not that we’re going to be putting on a face for anyone, but we would genuinely be at our best attitude with each and every one of them, that we would be ourselves around each other because the healthier our attitude is, the healthier our families will be.
BECAUSE THE HEALTHIER OUR ATTITUDE,
THE HEALTHIER OUR FAMILIES WILL BE
Each one of us playing the role of having a healthy attitude will mean that our family is reflected as healthier.
So for a moment, we look back to Paul, an example. Paul is writing, as Jack said, to this church in Philippi that just isn’t quite getting it. They have a bad attitude towards one another and he urges themself to follow the attitude of Christ. And if any of you are wondering if we were the first generation as parents hear whatever from our kids, this makes me think we were not. And by the end of the passage though, it’s not just that we should have a positive attitude to be happy. Paul takes it so far as to say a positive attitude is a reflection of our salvation. So how do we have this positive attitude and what attitudes do we see? In our responsive reading, we saw love.
LOVE IS …
Love is patient, love is kind
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not sel-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers.
ONE ANTHER
And it goes on to tell us what I think every family wants, protection and patience and truth. That’s what we want from our families. And beyond just our readings today, Paul talks about attitude in what are called the one another statements. Throughout many letters he writes that we should love one another.
Love on Another
13:33-35
Encourage and serve one another.
Encourage one another
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Serve one another
Galatians 5:13
Forgive on another.
Forgive on another.
Ephesians 4:3
Bear another’s burdens that they are not alone.
Bear another’s burdens that they are not alone.
Galatians 6:2
Not to judge.
Do not judge on another.
Romans 14:13
Not to lie to one another
Do not lie to one another.
Colossians 3:9
Do not slander or grumble about one another.
Do not slander or grumble about one another.
Galatians 5:15
PHILLIPIANS
So, this is not the only passage we see on attitudes, but we look back to our reading today where we see that Paul is urging the. “Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with one another, loving one another, working with one mind and one purpose that you together are moving forward.”
2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with one another, loving one another, working with one mind and one purpose that you together are moving forward. 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interest, but take an interest in others, too.
Phillipians 2:2-4
And this was written to a church, but it’s very applicable to our families that we should not be selfish and trying to impress the others that are with us.
We have to be humble thinking of others as better, not looking out for our own interests, but looking out for the interest of others as well.
I think it’s easy to think through that, but to actually apply and say that I’m thinking of the interest of the other people in my family more than myself is what he tells us to. And then later on that we should do everything without complaining or arguing, that we’re to be with our families in a way that says, I want the best for you.
14 Do everything without complaining and arguing
Phillipians 2:14
HEALTY-ER FAMILIES – PARENTS
And so, we see that in our reading and because we’ve talked about the foundation and the roles, now we talk about the attitude within the roles that we have in the house. So for just a moment, I do want to talk to parents. And I promise if you don’t feel it applies to you quite yet, we’ll get there.
MOM
But for a moment, moms, you have a major role in your house’s happiness. And frankly, I’m sorry to even burden you with this, but studies have shown over and over that a mom’s happiness has a direct correlation to a family’s mental health and stability.
They even go on to show that a happier mother means that children will experience fewer mental health issues and severe ones at that. And I know that moms, it is not fair what I am telling you right now, that you have to just be happy for the sake of your families. That’s what you’re called to do. I know that’s not fair, but your happiness just is more showing of the family’s happiness than the father’s happiness, which is why I don’t want you to think you have to fake a happiness, but to find a real one. And we’re going to talk about how that is because when your attitude is positive and responds as calm and with control, your family will be healthier because of it. And we can look beyond as a mom and look as a wife.
….. If any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives
1 Peter 3 1:2
We talked about that role last week, but in one Peter, when we see the wives attitude reflecting to the husband, it says when acting with the husband, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Your role is not to force correction in others, though many times I think that feels like the correct move. It’s to be an example. You have the power to change your house and change the hearts of your families by your attitude and your actions alone. I’ve seen this work out right by people in these pews after conversations in my office, because as this scripture goes on to say, you have a beauty that should come from the inside, not the out, but it tells us there’s an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is of great worth in the sight of God. So I am not to say the only part of attitude you should play is gentleness, but your gentleness in the house models that Christ was gentle with us in those powerful moments we see with him as well. So don’t underestimate what your attitude can do for your house.
And I know I’ve just said a lot of true things and haven’t helped at all yet. I promise that I will.
DAD
For now, we’re going to move on to the dads because dads, it’s our turn. And lucky for us, since I think most of us probably need it, we have some instruction on the attitudes we’re to have where it says in Ephesians
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Exasperate by the way, the definition is to make someone very annoyed, angry or frustrated. It even goes on to say, “Usually when they cannot fix the problem.” Man, that one hurts a little bit, doesn’t it a couple of us, that we frustrate our families without doing anything to help.
And I’ve been there. I’ve been there with the moments I was not my best. I’ve been short when Riley did not deserve it and it did not help at all. And I’ve let myself get angry to the point now Riley is huffing and puffing back and there’s no goodness coming out of this. And I’ve been an example even in that moment, but a poor one. And the exact thing that I see happen after this is Riley just asks for mom, not because he got in trouble and he wants to play it, but because truly he’s just sad and he wants someone that hasn’t frustrated him and made him more mad. My attitude led him not to listen to anything that I’ve said, but only just block me out entirely in that moment.
Husbands – in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect….and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
1 Peter 3:7
And beyond with our kids, we see what we’re supposed to do with our wives just as one Peter talks to the wives, it says to the husbands that in the same way, “be considerate as you live with your wives. Treat them with respect as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” It matters how we talk to our wives and that we respect her. And the end is interesting here. Respect her as a gift so that nothing will hinder your prayers. The attitudes we share with our wives are not supposed to hinder the prayers we pray to them. It’s not that we, at the end of the day, pray and say, Lord, just help her load the dishwasher better. I’ve been frustrated for hours about this. No, we should be praying for encouragement and for peace for them, that our attitude towards the people in our family would lead them to pray.
And husbands and wives, if you’re wondering one way to kind of work on this, just one quick tip here. Don’t just pray for your spouse, pray with your spouse. Look at them in the eye and hold their hands and pray for encouragement for them. Pray that you would respect them in a way that they feel it without words.
Pray with each other and for each other, not letting your attitudes affect the way that you are acting towards one another. Because dads, again, we are role models for our kids. I know you’ve probably heard it before, but you are showing your daughters how they should be treated in the future and your sons, how they should treat others. And I can’t dwell here much longer, but even your attitude to be here on Sunday morning, your ability to say as a dad that I want to be in this pew has a drastic change in the likelihood of your kid attending church and having the faith later on in life. And your attitude goes not just for today and not just for tomorrow, but for an eternity. And again, I know that now to the dads, I’ve said a bunch of true things and not helped very much to them yet.
KIDS
And I promise I will get back to it, but we move on to the kids. If you thought you were safe, you’re not yet. And if you were here last week, it might be a little bit of a recap, but if you weren’t, did you know kids that in the 10 commandments, the commandment to children is the first one given with a promise as it tells us, honor your father and your mother so you may live long in the land, the Lord your God is giving you.
12 Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Exodus 20:12
Now to them, it was a direct correlation that they would see. If I honor my mother and father in this life, then I’ll inherit the land that God is giving to me in this life. But for us even still today, honoring our parents leads us closer to inheriting the eternity that God has promised us.
And so we have to humbly show the respect that reflects Christ, that when we’re asked a question, we ask without grumbling and we answer without grumbling, that when we get a direction, we follow it without an eye roll. And that we’re looking to those in our lives for examples, the parents, the grandparents, the aunts and the uncles, looking to them to be an example of Christ. And if they aren’t an example of Christ to you, let me encourage you to just be an example to them, showing a better attitude than maybe the people in your life are, that they may see you and be encouraged as well.
A PROMISE TO ACTUALLY HELP
So, I know I promise to help. Why this all matters. If you’re feeling guilty, what does this all mean? Well, in a worldly sense, it means that families will help each other. When someone’s upset, we’re not responding just in contempt, but we take a breath ourselves.
And it’s going to take conversation, real conversation that’s not holding a record of right and wrong, but that just wants to get better. Sitting down and saying, these are the things that I need and yes, these are the ways that I want to get better. That’s love without an agenda, saying we want to just be together. And this attitude will affect the house when you’re together and will affect the house when you are not with each other. Because I truly believe the way that you talk about your family when they are not there is very telling of your attitude towards them and your thoughts about them. Because in every circumstance, our attitude should reflect that we are a child of God.
FOR ALL OF US
And if you’re sitting out there maybe feeling, this hasn’t quite applied to me yet, or you’re not sure what healthier family in general has to do with you, I want to take a moment to say that whether you are in a household of 10 or of four or even of one, that this all matters. Because if we want to separate it from the house for just a moment, when our foundation is in Christ, then our role is to put on a good attitude with every single person that we meet, putting on gentleness when the grocery store clerk makes a mistake or putting on grace when the nurse calls to reschedule that appointment for the third time, whatever it is that your attitude reflects Christ with those that are around you, to avoid grumbling when you get together over a coffee with a friend, but to encourage one another, sharing peace and love with one another.
Because if we look at all of our role in a context with Christ, Christ says that the church is his bride and man has he nailed his part in that, that husbands are to lay down their lives. Oh, he did that for us. That they’re to lead while he led for us. He took the role as our leader that we may follow him the same way a husband would for a wife.
….. If any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives
1 Peter 3 1:2
And if then that puts all of us in the role of being the bride and the church, then for just a moment, if we look back at what we were told of wives in one Peter, that “if any of them do not believe they may be won over without words by our behavior when they see the purity and reverence of our lives”, yeah, this might be speaking directly to husbands and we don’t have to win Christ over, but I know a lot of people in my life that do not know and love Christ, that if my attitude reflects the fact that I want them to know Christ’s love, I have to show love.
If I want them to know Christ’s patience, I have to show patience because at the end of the day, I want them to know Christ. And this is where we see the don’t be selfish, do not try to impress others, not only looking out for our own interests, but the interests of others. This does not just apply to the moments within our old house, but in our entire lives.
PAUL’S GUIDANCE
And so, for all of us, as we get back to this question, what does this all mean? Moving beyond the facts of why it matters, but how we are to do it, look back to Paul that today tells us you must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. In your relationships with one another, you must have the same attitude as Christ Jesus had.
In your relationships with one another, You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
Phillipians 2:5
So, we look to Christ as an example of how to act and we can see exactly what his attitude was and his followers when we read even earlier, do everything without complaining and arguing. We read that earlier. Okay. I can do things without complaining and arguing, but why does it tell us to do things without complaining and arguing? So that no one can criticize you. Your attitude is reflecting of Christ so that no one can criticize you because if you are an example of Christ, then no one should be able to criticize him. Our attitudes reflect him, therefore we are a reflection of Christ. And that’s why we have to mirror Christ and his humility and his kindness and his love, knowing that we are just humbly before him saying, You’ve loved me and you’ve showed grace to me and you have done all the things that we read in our scripture that he gave up his privilege.
8 He humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. 9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,11 and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. 12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed-not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence – continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his purpose.
Phillipians 2: 8-13
he took on the humbleness even to die on a cross for me, that he came down in obedience and because of that, because he was humble and obedient and put on the right attitudes that Christ was elevated to a place of highest honor, given a name above all names that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord.
OUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS EACH OTHER BEGINS WITH CHRIST,
NOT WITH YOU AND ME.
And if we’re to humbly bow before him, I don’t know about you, but it’s kind of harder for me to have an attitude if I’m bowing before Christ or if I’m at my knees at his feet. Just being in that position, it’s harder to have a bad attitude. And on our knees at the foot of Jesus is not where we will see an attitude of the world, but an attitude that is of Christ, that is separate from this world, that we would honor our father in heaven just as children should honor their father and mother here. And what will happen when we put on the attitude, when we’re working hard, it will show the results of your salvation, obeying God with reverence and fear because God is working in us. Our attitude, our hard work every day to do the right thing in every moment reflects our salvation, as I mentioned earlier.
LET THE CROSS BE THE CAUSE OF YOUR ATTITUDE
So, our attitude’s not just that we want to make it a happy day, it’s that we want to show Christ with others because God is at work, giving us the power to follow the command, Lord your God above all else, but also to continue to the second, love your neighbor as yourself. And I want your neighbor to feel that love. I want the grocery clerk to see a good and positive attitude with and in you. But all the more, I want you to share that attitude with the people that you share your homes and your meals and your couches with, because if we’re going to fix our attitude, our attitude towards each other will begin with Christ, not with you and me. Our attitude has to begin with Christ and his actions, not the actions of those around us. And it’s not law that we must look to Christ and follow, though it might feel like more things to do, is that he first loved us that we may love each other.
And it’s because Christ laid down his life, spending his time cherishing God’s children and he honored and followed the will of the Father that is an ultimate example for us in every role that we would lay down our lives for our families, that we as wives and mothers would cherish and uplift our families and children would honor our mother and father. He’s got it across the board in the family of the example we are to be. And I know that sometimes it’s hard to respond with a good attitude when things at life come with us because every attitude has a cause. We respond to the cause with our attitudes. But my encouragement for today is let the cross be the cause of your attitude. Rather than the actions of those in your house or those in your life, let the cross be the cause of your attitude.
Because if the cross is the reason for your attitude, how would you respond if your husband hadn’t taken the trash out or your shirt was wrinkled and your wife hadn’t gotten it ready? And don’t take me wrong here. I don’t care if you’re frustrated because your wife didn’t take the trash out and your husband threw the reds in with the whites again. It doesn’t matter the roles that you play. It matters your response when something doesn’t live up to your expectation. It matters the attitude you give to the people that you said you would love and hold onto for all of this life in the good and the bad.
And so what behaviors, if we’re in conversations with our home, do we want to see? Do we want to see this love? And yes, I know parents, you might be thinking, well, the kid’s still bad sometimes. Yes, you can sternly correct someone while also doing it with love.
NOT BOW DOWN, BOW TOGETHER
And again, let the cross be the cause of your attitude. So if we think of this for just a moment, how would we respond to our spouse or our family in light of the cross? Well, in response to the cross, the only thing I can think of is to get down on my knees and humbly say, Lord, you are Lord, that I know Christ is above me in all things, but I am not saying that I should get on my knees in front of Miranda every day or that she should bow down to me. It’s not that you’re responding to each other the way you would respond to the cross.
It’s that you’re responding to each other in light of the cross, responding to each other because the cross has changed your life.
We respond to each other and treat each other accordingly, that we show the attitudes Christ has shown towards us because how different would it be in our homes if we encouraged and cheered each other on the same way that I felt encouraged in my races, the same way a team encouraged each other, that our words and our enthusiasm would push our families to be able to go further and faster than they could have went before, yes. And that the noise of the love of our families would be so loud that it would blur out the rest of the world and keep us solely focused on getting maybe that handoff to the next person, yes, and running forward with each other, but that we would be together looking forward to Christ, getting closer and closer to him every day, seeing him at the end saying, come to me, that the example, it was set that we would be able to follow it.
And so to share the positive application of this, what this looks like day to day, it looks like we love each other in our homes because Christ first loved us. It looks that we put on humility because Christ first humbled himself, that we forgive each other because Christ forgave us, and that ultimately we would be ready to lay down our lives for our family because Christ first laid down his life to our family and that we would put on the humble attitude saying that they are more important than I am to myself, that our attitude would reflect that no matter the circumstances we go in An attitude that responds with gentleness and love the same way that Christ did to those that followed him. Thinking of the cross and our attitude every day. When we’re at work, think of the cross. When you’re in the car, yes, think of the cross, but think of the cross when you lead to and speak with your kids.
THINK OF THE CROSS
Think of the cross when you choose the words or the facial expressions you share with your spouse, because we must have the same attitude Christ Jesus had just as Paul encourages us. And because your family will be healthier when your attitude reflects the work, the love, and the attitude, and ultimately the sacrifice of Christ. Let us pray.
PRAYER
Lord, I thank you so much that you have came and walked this life, that we may just look at you as an example, knowing that we live our lives the way that you first lived yours. That in our attitudes, we may respond to each other with grace that you first showed us with the love you freely shared through your son. And we thank you that you have sent your spirit to guide us, to remind us and calm us if only we listen to him. And Lord, we’re sorry for the ways that we’ve let our attitudes misrepresent you. For when we’ve acted in a way that does not represent your son, we have not acted accordance with the cross. We ask your forgiveness for those times. Guide us to become better and healthier for you and for our families. Practicing even today as we come forward for the meal you prepared with an attitude that gives thanks and leads us to encourage the others at the table here with us.
I thank you for what you have done and the sacrifices you’ve made, the encouragement that you give to us, knowing that as we grow closer to you as a family, we grow closer to each other as well. That our attitudes reflect yours, that we may lay down our lives so as many around us as possible would know you based off our purity and reverence towards you, that they would experience us as a way of experiencing you in both our families and beyond. Amen.
