The Positive and the Negative

WELCOME

Pastor Chris Paavola:

When I was 18, I was getting a credit card. I was excited to get a credit card because you’re 18, it’s what you do, right? And I was talking to my brother-in-law, Tanner, about getting a credit card and should I and what kind? And he’s like, “I don’t know much about that kind of stuff.” I was like, “Oh, really?” He’s like, “Yeah, my parents never had a credit card growing up.” I was like, “Oh yeah?”

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.

Proverbs 22:7

He goes, “Yeah, because they believed “the borrower was slave to the lender.” And I was like, “Oh, that’s wise.” But that wasn’t Tanner’s idea. He was quoting Solomon from Proverbs 22:7. When I started working at a church very early on in my career, the senior pastor there is a mentor of mine. His name is Pastor Steve. And one day I was looking on the church’s Facebook account and there was this post that was leaving a scathing, scathing comment about Pastor Steve and just blasting him.

And I went into his office to show it to him and he was reading a book and he put the book down. He looked at the comment, handed it back to me and shrugged and picked his book back up. I was like, “Are you going to do anything? Should we take it down? Should you respond?”

Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest.

                                                                                                                                    Proverbs 26:2

And he goes, “Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest.” I was like, “Oh man, that’s wise.” But Pastor Steve, that’s not his though. He was quoting Solomon. Proverbs 26:2.

One time a few years ago, I was walking out of a convenience store with my friend Kymal. And we were walking in the parking lot and there was two people standing by their cars arguing right there in the parking lot. And it was escalating. It was like getting worse and worse.

And it felt like something was about to go down. They’re going to come to blows or something. And I kind of looked at him, I’m like, “Should we do something?”

Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own

Proverbs 26:17

And I kind of stepped towards it and he’s like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. One who grabs the ears of a stray dog is one who rushes into a quarrel, not their own.” I was like, “Oh, that’s wise.” But chemo didn’t come up with that. He’s quoting Solomon, Proverbs 26:17.

APPLICATION

And that’s the value of these proverbs of Solomon that we’re looking at in the series that we’re in. You can get a surface level kind of understanding of conceptually, what is he trying to say? But then also Solomon writes these words. He actually says, “Bind these words to your heart. Impress them on your heart. Learn them so you have them at the ready when you’re in a situation that calls for them and you can walk with wisdom.” And so honestly, in today and in this series, if you find a proverb that you’re like, “Ooh, I need that.” And you hear one either today, the last few weeks or in the weeks to come, my encouragement to you would be to memorize it so you have it at the ready and you can have this application when the moment calls for it, because that’s really the whole purpose of the series.

SERIES

We’re in this series called The Two Types of People where we’re getting wisdom for life found in the ancient Proverbs of King Solomon, who the Bible calls the wisest man who ever lived. And we can have his wisdom and use it in our life. And that’s one of the values of this book and this series. Solomon, when he writes though and he talks about these proverbs.

One of his common teaching styles or one of his common writing styles for a proverb is like this compare and contrast of there are two types of people, right? Beatles people and Elvis people. He doesn’t say that, but he’s like this or that, A or B. And he compares and contrasts these people and he wants two things. One, for you to be able to recognize them because he thinks that the people you surround yourself with have a profound potential to shape the quality and direction of your life.

And then also not only so you can recognize them, but to give you wisdom in how to respond to them. And in week one, we talked about the wise and the foolish. And according to Solomon, what separates the wise from the fool is how do they respond to the truth when it comes to them? And we talked about how we can ask the question, according to this information, what is the wise thing to do? And you could use that anywhere in life. What is the wise thing to do? Then in week two we talked about, or Solomon talked about the wicked and the righteous. And we have our own definition of those terms, but according to him, it’s how do they respond to the law? Either God’s law, the government’s law, or grandma’s law. How do they respond to the law? You’ve got law breakers, law benders and law abiders.

And how should he respond to each of those people? And then last week, just based on your feedback, was a very practical week for a lot of us. And if you weren’t here and you didn’t get a chance to hear that sermon, I encourage you to go back and listen because we looked at what Solomon says about the patient and the quick tempered and the difference between them. And we talked about how the word patience that he uses is this word long suffering and this word slow to anger, kind of these phrases. And we actually went really practical and uncovered breathing techniques. Seriously, breathing techniques found in the book of Proverbs that we can do to become more patience and less quick tempered. So long belly breaths to be long suffering, slow belly breaths to be slow to anger. My wife told me that my slow breaths were still too fast and that she was hyperventilating trying to follow along as I was like demonstrating it.

But anyway, so it was long and slow breaths to be long suffering and slow to anger. And then that brings us to this week, two types of people.

WORDS

We’re going to be talking about two types of people and it all has to do with this idea of words. And so before we get into the two types of people Solomon talks about today, I want to kind of lay the groundwork by talking about the value of words themselves. Solomon puts the utmost price tag on words. He thinks words have, again, just incredible potential to shape the trajectory and direction of your life. You can put your foot in your mouth or you can talk your way out of a speeding ticket, sometimes. And it all comes down to the words that you use. And so he even says like death and life are in the power of the tongue. And he really places a lot of emphasis on words. And he actually has a proverb about words in general that I think is helpful for us to kind of keep in mind because it gives us an insight into his framework that he’s speaking of when he talks about words.

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.

                                                                                                                                    Proverbs 13:3

So, he says in Proverbs 13: three, “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly come to ruin.” And he talks a lot about. And so it’s not just like, “Don’t do this.” It’s do this instead, often when he talks about words. But also there’s a promise or a self-fulfilling prophecy in a lot of these proverbs about words. If you speak like this, that’ll happen. If you speak like that, this’ll happen. And so he has kind of like this prophetic quality to the words when he talks about words in his proverbs. And you can kind of see the parallelism there, but he talks about speaking rashly or excessive talk in Solomon’s estimation. The more words that you use, the more potential there is for error. The more potential there is for you to say something that you regret and you wish you could take back a place, but you can’t.

And so, he talks about guarding your lips to look, preserve your life. This is for you. This is to prosper you. Because if you’re rash or reckless with your words, it harms you, brings about your ruin. And there’s the prophecy in it. And I like the word that he uses, that word guard. It’s interesting. Guarding your lips. It’s actually where we get our phrase, watch your mouth. It’s not that you can look at your mouth. It’s this idea that you should keep watch over your mouth like a watchman on the walls of a castle or whatever it may be. And we understand the word guard. Solomon, in his context, he’s right. He’s a king. He’s got a palace. He’s got guards. What does a guard do? They stand at the door. You may come into the presence of the king. Thou shall not pass. You shall not pass.

And so, my Lord of the Rings fans, somebody, come on, help me out here.

But anyway, there’s people who can come in and pass through the gates and cut and people who can’t. And so this image of a guard, it’s a little antiquated for us. We understand this though. You have bouncers at a club who are stopping you from entering if you’re under 21 or if your name’s not on the list. You go to a stadium, there’s guards there who are guarding whether you can come into the event or not based on if you have a ticket, paper or digital nowadays. Or at Fort Custer, there’s a guard at the gate at Fort Custer, and he’s looking for your badge number, your credentials, your government ID, whatever. Can you come into the base or not? And he’s guarding the gates. And Solomon is saying your words, you should have a guard at your mouth. You should guard your words. And I like that because it raises two questions really.

TWO QUESTIONS

WHAT KIND OF GUARD AM I?

One, well, what kind of a guard am I with my words? When I speak, do I guard my words like this guy, hypervigilant, on the ready, looking around for my surroundings? Or do I guard my words like this guy?

And I don’t even know what he’s doing. He’s petting people or something. If you’re just listening and you’re not watching online or just in the room, it’s the laziest guard you’ve ever seen. And he’s supposed to be patting people down, but instead he’s giving belly rubs. But like some of us, that’s a picture of how well we guard the words that come out of our mouth. We’re just like, though comes in, though goes out and there’s just word vomit. It just comes out. We have no filter when we talk. And Solomon’s like, no, no, no, no. Guys, you guard your lips, you preserve your life. If you don’t, if you speak rashly, you’ll come to ruin. You’ll come to ruin. And so Solomon then describes throughout the book of Proverbs several types of words that you should guard against because that’s the second question that comes to mind.

One, how well do I guard?

WHAT SHOULD I GUARD AGAINST?

And then the second question, well, what should I guard against? What words should I let through the gate? And what words is you shall not pass? What words?

HARSH WORDS

And here are the words, I mean, just some of them that Solomon says we should guard against and words that we should allow to pass through. For instance, harsh words.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

    Proverbs 15:1

He says “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” And by the way, they’re both saying the same thing. One’s gentle, one’s harsh. And gentle out, gentle back. Harsh out, harsh back. In my house, we say all the time, it’s not what you say. It’s how you say it all the time. Mom, I already took out the trash. Sounds a whole lot different than mom, I already took out the trash. One of them incurs wrath of mom.

It’s the harsh word, but a gentle word turns away wrath. So guard against harsh words, what you say and the cutting criticism. Guard against that. Be gentle. And instead, let gentleness through your gates.

LYING

Here’s another one. Lying.

                        A lying tongue hates those it hurts; and a flattering mouth works ruin.

Proverbs 26:28

He says, “A lying tongue hates those it hurts and a flattering mouth works ruin.” Here you can kind of see also the coupling style of the proverb where you’re supposed to read it and then infer the other word. And what he’s saying here is that flattery is lying and lying is hatred. It’s interesting. And he’s saying, don’t let flattery through. Don’t let lying through. Instead, let through the opposite, truth and sincerity. Here’s another set of words.

COMPLAINING

Complaining. “Sorrow in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

Sorrow in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Proverbs 12:25

And so, a good word is not just a word heard, it’s a word spoken.

So you can complain. There’s always something to complain about, but there’s always something to give thanks about. Always. And by the way, if you’re kind of a negative person, you find yourself complaining more than you wish you would. Here’s a little trick that you can do to prompt the behavior you want. Every time you complain, because it was on your lips, force yourself to speak verbally, audibly, say something you’re thankful for. Catch yourself. You complain. Okay, stop. I got to give thanks. And give thanks about something. And when you give thanks, Solomon prophetically says, “Your heart will be light. When you complain, your heart will be weighed down.” The older I get, the more I’m learning that part of maturity is to be frustrated about something without inviting everybody else into that frustration. And like misery loves company. I get it, but this is a way that you can also not only make your heart light, but the hearts of the people around you light.

GOSSIP

One more. Solomon says, you should guard against gossip. Makes sense?

A gossip betrays confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.

 Proverbs 11:13

Because “ A gossip betrays confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” And here he points to the prophetic again of what gossip does. Gossip breeds mistrust, not only between you and the other person, but in the community that you’re a part of. My mom used to say, if somebody gossips to you, they’re going to gossip about you. If they gossip about others to you, they’re going to gossip about you to others. So you are not excluded. So if you hear someone gossiping, know that they’re going to gossip about you as well. It’s just who they are. And it affects the community. So there you go. Those are the words you should guard from and guard against vigilantly, not laissez-faire. Because those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.

Now, all of those words are words that I think we know, think we’ve heard. It’s just a good reminder and we understand what those words are. But as I was reading the words that Solomon warns us to guard against and to allow through, I realize there’s kind of a coupling or two word comparison that he does of two types of people. But in these words that we should or shouldn’t let through, in these words, we have kind of a misunderstanding of them. So we understand the words that we just saw, but these are words that I think we misunderstand. And it’s these the words blessing and cursing.

The BLESSING AND THE CURSING

So blessing, I think we overuse the word. We use it in such a general sense. We miss what it means in the literal, narrow, actual sense. We use the word blessing all the time. Somebody sneezes, you say, “Bless you.” Before a football game, we sing God bless America.

POSITIVE WORD

When you’re in the South and someone’s giving you a backhanded compliment, they say, “Oh, bless your heart.” And it’s not a compliment. It’s like, “Oh, poor you.” But we use the word blessing all the time. Bless, plus, plus, bless. Oh, I have such a blessing. I receive a blessing. We just had a blessing teacher Sunday. But the word blessing, man, is a fascinating word study. And I think we kind of misunderstand it and we miss what it means. And really what we just did with teachers. So if you go back to the very, very, very, very, very beginning, in the beginning of the Bible, God makes heavens and the earth. And then makes Adam and Eve.

POSITIVE FUTURE

And then it says he blessed them and he spoke over them and said, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. All of this is for you.

And then after Adam and Eve sin, the world falls under a curse. And he curses Adam and says, “By the sweat of your brow, the ground will have produced thistle and thorns.” And he curses the woman and says, “You will have pain and childbearing.” And then he sends them away from his presence. And we start to get a clue and a hint of what is a blessing and a curse. And then blessings pop up again. You got to know out of the art. God blesses him. And then the patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, he blesses Abraham. And he says, “You will be like the stars of the sky. I will make you into a great nation.” And then Abraham blesses Isaac. Isaac then blesses his sons, Jacob and Esau famously. Jacob intercepts the blessing and receives Esau’s blessing. And as a kid, I always thought that was strange.

Why did Jacob just or Isaac not just go, “No, no, no, Jacob, that was for Esau. Esau, that’s your blessing.” And then I’ll speak another one over you, Jacob. It’s irrevocable. There’s something permanent about the blessing a father gives to his child. And Jacob has it now. He can’t undo it, un-speak it.

POSITIVE TOUCH

And when he blesses him, he lays his hands on him. There’s a laying on of hands and some type of transaction, transfer of power that we don’t understand in the earthly, but we will someday understand in the spiritual sense. Something is happening. And then Jacob famously wrestles with God and asks for a blessing and he puts his hand on him and he blesses him.

And then Jacob blesses all 12 of his sons and you can read the blessing that he speaks over them. He speaks this blessing. And you start to piece together what a blessing is. There’s a guy named Dr. Smalley in the ’90s. He wrote a book called The Blessing. It was like a Christian bestseller. But he says a blessing has three parts. It’s a positive word. So you’re ascribing value and worth and bestowing honor on that thing. You’re saying what is precious and beautiful about that person or that thing. It’s a positive future. You will be a great nation. I will make you, your descendant says numerous as the stars in the sky. And it has a positive touch. It’s a laying on of a compassionate hand and the transferring of power and authority and favor and whatever it is. But there’s a positive touch often associated with a blessing, but it’s always, always spoken.

God speaks it over Adam and Eve. God speaks it over Abraham. Abraham speaks it over Isaac. Isaac speaks it over Jacob and Esau and Jacob’s sons. It’s fascinating.

And then a curse. I think we have a very narrow sense of what cursing is and we miss the broad sense. So in a blessing, we have a broad understanding. We miss the narrow. And cursing, I think we have a narrow sense and we miss the broad sense. If I was going to ask you before today, what’s a curse or what’s cursing? You’d say the words that the FCC beeps out, right? It’s the words that slip out or that you don’t say at church, but you do say in the garage when you’re working on the car because you don’t have a guard over your lips in that moment, right? That’s what cursing is. But when you look at it in this sense, what is a curse? Well, it’s the antithesis, the antonym of a blessing.

NEGATIVE WORD

A curse is a negative word. You’re ascribing negative value, a negative value on the thing.

You’re saying this is how low of value you have, which is by the way, why we use the words that we use when we are cursing because we’re thinking of the most shameful base things. And we’re assigning that value onto that thing or that person, this blankety blank thing, this blankety blank guy. It’s the most shameful thing you can.

NEGATIVE FUTURE

And you’re assigning a negative value to it. And then you’re ascribing a negative future to it.

When your car breaks down, you say this blankety blank car will never work. Or when you’re in an argument, this blankety blank, you’re just like your father and you’re going to be just like your father. You’re ascribing a negative future.

NEGATIVE TOUCH

And then there’s often a negative touch. In the Garden of Eden, what is it? Is it the absence of touch? You’re cast out of the presence. When you’re angry at your golf club, you smack it. And sometimes it’s a negative touch. That’s cursing. Solomon says we should keep guard over blessing and cursing from our lips because there is more happening than we understand.

The blessing is irrevocable. The curse was so irrevocable on humanity that Jesus had to die to reverse the curse.

Through the blessing of the upright the city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.

 Proverbs 11:11

So, when it comes to a blessing and curse, this is what Solomon says. “Through the blessing of the upright, a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked, it is destroyed. “ And here you see blessing and curse kind of again in that couplet style. But through blessing of the upright, a city is exalted.

This week was the first week of school and a bunch of our kids were out the door already and we’ve got five. So it was just like, which one’s gone? Okay, they’re okay. But then.

One of our kids had a little bit more time before they had to leave. And so we had a moment there in the house and I was like, “Hey, can I pray for you?” And they were like, “Yes.” And so my wife Ashley and I both put our hands on their shoulder and we blessed them. We assigned value to them and we said how precious they were, how fearfully and wonderfully made they are, how much God loves them. And we were ascribing positive value to them. And then we ascribed a positive future. We prayed for their future. We blessed their future saying that they would have a great school year, asking that they would discover who God made them to be and apply themselves in the study and become a good student. It didn’t take long. It took a few moments, but my goodness was a powerful.

And something, I believe, something more than just blah, blah, blah, blah, blabbering words happened.

Because through the blessing of the upright, a city is exalted. A family is exalted. A home is exalted. A business is exalted. A church is exalted when we are blessing with our words. It’s like a rising tide raises all ships. And through blessing, a city is exalted, but through a curse. You have to kind of, again, the inference, the mouth of the wicked, cursing. It is destroyed. Ruined.

Isn’t it interesting how common cursing is? How just it just flows? I mean, yesterday you heard cursing. It just flows. It’s so prevalent, so prominent. It’s everywhere. We curse all the time. We ascribe negative value to things all the time because I think we’re under the curse of sin. It’s second nature to us. Think about how rare, truly rare a true blessing is that says a good word that ascribes positive value and has a powerful, positive, compassionate touch. It’s rare. So rare.

Dr. Smalley in his book says people will go their entire lives never hearing the blessing from the people they want it from the most. They just are pining and hoping like a desert for rain for a blessing that never comes. It’s the heart of Esau and the story of Jacob and Esau when Jacob steals the Blessing Esau says, “What about me, Father? Bless me too.” And Dr. Smalley goes on and to say that every child longs for the blessing of their father. And how rare are blessings? Why? And then think about the blessings that you could give. Why? Why are we so hesitant? There’s a sense of like, oh, I’m very vulnerable here. This is very intimate. I’m uncomfortable. But none of those are reasons why you shouldn’t do it. Because through the blessing of the upright, a city is exalted. By mouth of the wicked, it is destroyed.

You have the potential to exalt, edify, build up your city, your business, your school, your classroom, your home, your marriage. When you speak a blessing, and it must be spoken.

Positive word, positive future, positive touch. So really, I think there’s people we would like to bless, but the better question is who needs your blessing? Who would sob if you spoke a blessing over them? And think about how readily you receive blessings from other people. Every Sunday we end our services with a blessing. And that kind of brings up another point. Jesus steps on the scene and he blesses. His very first sermon, he’s blessing people, saying, “Blessed are you when others speak negatively, curse you for your children or your heavenly Father. Blessed are the hungry and thirsty for you shall be filled. Blessed are the poor in spirit.” And he speaks blessing on people who have never been blessed, who feel like they’ve been cursed.

And then as he heals people, he often touches people.

……Jesus took the little children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

              Mark 10

There’s one story where everyone’s trying to bring little children to Jesus and it says, Look at this guys. “Jesus took the little children in his arms, placed his hands on them, and spoke a blessing over them.” And the word there is babies, by the way. It’s like the word for infants. Those infants didn’t know what he was saying, but it didn’t matter because there’s some kind of transfer of something happening. So we blessed them. Something happens when we blessed teachers today and you laid hands on them. Something transferred. Something was conferred and given to them. You blessed them.

And it’s not just little babies. At the end of his ministry, after he lives a life of guarded lips, he dies on the cross, rises from the dead, we believe.

Jesus led his disciples out of Bethany, where he raised his hands and blessed them.

Luke 24

And before he ascends into heaven, Luke makes this note that “Jesus led his disciples out to Bethany.” For once again, “were he raised his hands.” Didn’t keep them down here. “Where he raised his hands and he blessed them.” He spoke something over them right before he leaves. It’s the last thing he does.

At St. Mark, we say often we want you to experience Jesus. We lay down our lives so in as many as possible experience Jesus. It’s our mission. It’s on the wall over there. And we believe that you experience Jesus like way you would experience anyone else. You can see, hear, speak with, and touch him. But it’s so interesting speaking with or hearing and touching are a part of that because that’s the essential ingredients of a blessing from God, touch and spoken word.

We love baptisms. We talk about baptisms all the time because we believe in baptism. You could have just done a rain dance and God lets you into his kingdom or something like that. Say the right words, but he wants this irrevocable moment where he touches you with his promises in the water. And through the touch, you then hear the words that you are now you share the family name and he blesses you. And then communion, think about this. At this meal, as you’ll see, Mark later on says that he blessed the bread and then he gave it to them. And they touch the bread, which is his body. And they hear for you with a positive future for the forgiveness of your sins.

And in a few moments, we’re going to celebrate communion where God is going to bless you again. And something happens that we don’t understand. So nothing could make us more like children of our heavenly Father who blessed the world in the Garden of Eden, who blessed the people of Israel and who walked among us and blesses us again with his gifts. And he’s going to end the service with another blessing. Nothing could make us more like our blessing God than be a people who are familiar and frequent with our blessings and who guard our lips from cursings.

And so it kind of brings us back to the question. Who needs your blessing? Not who do you want to, who do you need? Who do you need to bless? Because of who you are, your role, your responsibility, your authority over them, your relationship to them. Who needs your blessing? My challenge to you today is that it’s not just blessing teacher Sunday. You bless others Sunday. That today, there’s no reason to wait. Today you bless that person, if at all possible. If they’re far away, give them a call. Don’t write, don’t send them a text that’s putting more distance. At least call. And if possible, if you live with them, if you’re sitting in the same pew as them, find a way that you can bless them today. And I get that it’s weird. Okay, I’m doing this because Pastor Chris said I had to. But I get it. But the moment those words come out and the moment they hear them, they will not regret it.

So who needs your blessing? Let me pray for you.

PRAYER

Heavenly Father, we confess that we are people who have been too easy and familiar with the cursings and too rare and infrequent with blessings. So forgive us, Lord. Forgive us for the ways that we don’t keep a guard over the gates of our mouth and the words that we let through or the way that we’re just too lazy to guard. Help us be vigilant and thoughtful about the words we let through, but raise our understanding of the power of words, Lord, and make us a people who are familiar with blessings, abundant blessings, comfortable with speaking blessings over people in our lives. And Lord, we don’t know what to say. We can always say the words that our blessed savior taught us to pray. As we say:

Our father,

Who art in heaven,

Hollowed be thy name,

Thy kingdom come,

Thy will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven,

Give us this day our daily bread,

And forgive us our trespasses,

As we forgive those who trespass against us,

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil,

For thine is the kingdom,

And the power,

And the glory

Forever and ever,

Amen