Assigning Negative Motives

WELCOME

Pastor Chris Paavola:

That is so, so true. To write a different story, you have to use different words. Everybody good to be with you guys this morning. Good morning. Yeah. My name is Chris Paavola. I’m the senior pastor here. And before I get into today’s message, I do want to say every week I pray for what I’m going to say. I pray for God to speak through his word to me. What do you want to say to your people? I don’t think that’s that surprising. That’s kind of what you would expect a pastor to pray. But I also pray, God, who do you want to hear this message? Who are you trying to reach? Who do you want to speak to? And in doing so, I am like God, would you bring them? Would you draw them so they can hear what it is you want to say to them?

And so I can honestly say this when I look at you guys, it’s like looking at an answer to prayer like you are the answer to my prayers this week. The God would bring the right people here to hear what it is he has to say through his word and to give you his message for you today. So if you’re watching online or you’re here this morning, thank you guys for being here and just being receptive to God’s leading and drawing to this moment. I don’t think it’s a mistake that you’re here.

ABOUT STORYTELLER

Now, the word that we have or that God has for us today is kind of in the middle of the series storyteller that we’re in. To write a different story, you have to use different words. The whole premise behind this series that we’re in is this idea that we tend to become the stories we tell ourselves.

A lot of research has been done about this, and the inner dialogue is way more influence into our situations and our circumstances and our relationships than we give it credit for. We just vastly underestimate how important the self-talk, the words that we use, the way we describe our situation and the conversations we have, how much influence that honestly has over our situation. And so last week we talked about using extreme language because it’s fine if things are going good, but when things are going bad, one of the things we need to do, if we’re going to analyze what’s not working, one of the things we absolutely have to do is look at our language. And so we talked about the negative language that use and extreme language that we use, and we talked about phrases like he always does that or they never or I can’t.

And these extreme words that are just so limiting and negative. And we looked in scripture how God actually calls us with this word belief. That word belief calls us to the other extreme of what is possible. And as much as I’m preaching to you guys, I’m preaching to myself, like this week I caught myself again and again using extreme language and exaggerating and going, oh, hold on. And then having to come up with alternative words. And so as much as I’m preaching to you, I’m preaching to myself, this is not easy stuff. So today we’re going to move away from extreme languages and move on to the other thing that’s kind of really common that we have to call out. And that’s assigning negative motives. When we assign negative motives to people, we become fiction writers and there might be a pattern of behavior, but we fill in the gaps with this negative language of people’s motives of why they did something.

ASSIGNING NEGATIVE MOTIVES

And since today is May the fourth be with you, I’ll give an example from Star Wars of assigning negative motives and then you guys can see how I do. But so in Star Wars, let’s see. Okay, here we go. Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi need to deliver plants of the death star to the Rebel Alliance since they meet with Han Solo, a smuggler at the Moss Isley Cantina and the planet Tatooine and arrange for an escort. Luke Skywalker doesn’t trust him and assigns a negative motive that he is just a selfish smuggler. But Obi-Wan Kenobi tells him, no, we need to trust this guy. It by the end of the movie, Han Solo demonstrates that he has a good character and he rescues Luke Skywalker while he’s doing the trench run through the death star, and then they hug it out at the end of the movie.

How did I do? Was that okay? Okay. There you go. Alright. You don’t, do not, okay. You do not. But here’s some examples from more everyday examples. Everyday life, okay?

THEY DIDN’T FINISH THE PAPERWORK BECAUSE THEY’RE LAZY!

For instance, next slide. There you go. They didn’t finish the paperwork because they’re lazy. They didn’t do what I asked them to do because they’re lazy. Now you might be right, you might have 10 years of history with this person. You might be right, but what if they had other extenuating circumstances and it wasn’t that they were lazy, it’s that it was difficult for them. What if research shows that when we’re describing other people’s character traits, we tend to overemphasize their personality and their character and underestimate the external factors. But when we’re describing ourselves, we tend to overemphasize the external factors and underemphasize our personal character traits. I was late because traffic was bad, not because I’m a procrastinator, right?

Traffic was bad. It was crazy out there. So it’s possible, possible. You might be right, they might be lazy or they had some other extenuating circumstances.

THEY’RE MAKING THAT DECISION BECAUSE THEY’RE GREEDY

Here’s another one. Here’s another one. He’s being nice because he wants something from me. You be right. You might be wrong. Yeah, he’s been really cold and distant to you, but now all of a sudden he’s really friendly and maybe he wants something from you. He might be right, he might be greedy, or maybe he just had a change of heart. Maybe he learned something about you that made him appreciate you. Maybe he met Jesus and he just decided my life is different. Maybe he woke up that day and did a gratitude journal and he just isn’t in a better place. Maybe it’s not that he’s out to get something from you, maybe.

THEY’RE AVOIDING ME BECAUSE THEY DON’T LIKE ME

Okay, here’s another one. There are avoiding me because they don’t like me.

Okay, maybe they don’t like you, but maybe not. Maybe the pastor didn’t greet you this morning because he was greeting a new family and he walked by you and he wasn’t avoiding you. I’m just saying, I’m just, maybe I’m not avoiding you. Maybe I was just talking to someone else who’s new to the church and I want to welcome them. Maybe it’s not that I don’t like you, for instance. Okay, next one.

THEY’RE DIDN’T LIKE MY POST BECAUSE THEY’RE JELOUS OF ME

They didn’t like my post because they’re jealous of me. This is kids and teenagers, Instagram and Facebook or Well, you don’t use Facebook, but like Twitter. No you don’t. TikTok use that. Okay, there you go. You put up this post. Well, how come they didn’t like it? How come they didn’t heart it? How come they didn’t comment? Maybe they don’t. Maybe they don’t like you. Or maybe the algorithm just didn’t show it to them.

Maybe their parents took their phone away. Maybe they only were on TikTok for 20 minutes and they just didn’t get scroll far enough to get to your post. Maybe there’s a lot of projection in there. Isn’t that? Now look at that, that list that’s really negative, man. It’s really assuming the worst in people. Anyone kind of read that list and you kind of start to see where you do this. Anyone give me some head nods if you’re tracking with me. Yep, we do this all the time. I do this too. And if I’m reading a book and that was the language that was in the book, I’d be like, I don’t want to read. This is like it’s depressing me. If I was watching a TV show and I’m scrolling and it is flicking through and then I see real Housewives of Atlanta or whatever, real housewives of something and they’re arguing and yelling at each other, I’m going to be like, oh, it’s toxic. At least I know I shouldn’t be watching it. Oh, that’s just putting me in a dark place and they’re arguing and blah, right? If I wouldn’t read a story with that kind of language and I wouldn’t watch a TV show with that kind of language, then why would I write a story my life with that kind of language?

I’m so negative. And of course that’s going to affect you. And today we’re going to look at this section of scripture that really is like a cautionary tale, emphasizing and illustrating how when we fill in the gaps and we write fiction with these negative motives, how it actually puts us in this negative frame of mind and starts to affect our circumstances and we spiral deeper and deeper into despair. And God’s going to introduce one new word into the story that changes everything. If you want a different story, you have to use different words. And the story we just heard, we’re going to kind of pull it out for the illustration points, just a few key verses. So, it’s a lesser-known story that follows a well-known story.

DAVID AND SAUL

So, you’ve got David and Goliath, everyone kind of, at least you have an understanding of what David and Goliath is.

The boy slays the giant, right? Giant killers. And it’s where the idiom of David and Goliath is just kind of like this cultural thing that we refer to basketball teams and March Madness or something like that. But David and Goliath, but right after David and Goliath is David and Saul, the story we just heard. And it is much lesser known. So, everyone’s celebrating. Goliath is dead. The Philistine army flees. The Israelites are victorious, everyone’s cheering. And then these kids break out in a song and it’s kind of this song that is like this, whatever. So the dancers and the women and the children start singing this song. And honestly, the eight o’clock service, our reader for the service guy named Chuck, he actually did this kind of melody to it. And I’m like, well, I got to do that for every service. Here’s what it says.

“Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” 1 Samuel 18

“Saul has slain his thousands, David, tens of thousands”, and it just gets to Saul. He hears this and it’s like instant jealousy, envy, anger towards David.

 8 Saul was very angry; this refrain displeased him greatly. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?” And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David. 1 Samuel 18

He starts assigning negative motives because of the song of these elementary kids. He starts writing fiction about David. Take a look. Saul was very angry. That word, it is the word anger, but there is a bunch of different Hebrew words for anger this one has to do. It’s like incendiary, smoldering anger. It’s kind of this image like an ash heap. And if you get to the core, if you dug through and got to the center of it, it is just white hot. That’s the image of that word. He’s just smoldering with anger at these kids and anger that people would think this and anger towards David. And this refrained displeased him greatly. They’ve credited David with tens of thousands he thought, but I only get thousands.

And he responds like any politician, when they get low polling numbers, he starts trying to find someone to blame. And then he writes the fiction. Here it is, here’s the negative motive. What more can he get? But the kingdom, in other words, David is after my throne, there can’t be any other explanation. David wants my job, he wants to dethrone me and establish this coup for my throne. There can’t be any other explanation. And he just assumes the negative motive. And you notice and use this however you will, okay, listen, use this however you will.

But the negative motive he assigns to David is him projecting his own worldview onto David. It’s more of a reflection of Saul than it is of David. Saul is basically holding a mirror up to himself. He’s incriminating himself and showing how greedy and selfish he is, how power hungry he is because he’s projecting that onto David. Do you guys see that? And so if you think about the negative motives that you assign to others, it’s the whatever finger you pointed at others that’s three pointed back at you, how does that incriminate you? Wow. And from that time on, Saul kept a close eye on David. It just changed his outlook. And y’all check this out. So Saul, it reads, it’s like the next three chapters. It reads like this divine tragedy. He just spirals deeper and deeper like a tormented soul into despair because he starts believing the lie.

He starts believing the negative motive he assigned to David, and it just starts to rob him of all joy and peace and contentment, and he becomes just a broken, sad, sad man. After this gives David a few thousand troops and tries to send him away hoping it seems like the intimation is that David will eventually die, but David keeps winning, keeps succeeding. And so then Saul tries to kill him twice by hand with a spear. And both times David alludes him. Then Saul tries to manipulates military operations to put David in really dangerous situations. And David keeps eluding him and keeps on surviving. And then Saul declares him like an enemy of the state and goes through a manhunt to kill David. And David is like alluding him again and again. And Saul is in hot pursuit and they’re running and chasing after David, like smoking the bandit style through southern Israel.

This really mountainous, arid, dried char terrain. This is a crazy story and David is alluding him. There’s a lot of caves. And so David keeps on. They can’t quite catch him. They’re always outsmarting him. He’s always one step ahead of him. And so David goes in this cave, and Saul, at no point in all of this just over the top, I mean look at how much time and energy and resources he’s dedicating to this negative motive, this false motive that he’s assigned to David. And at no point while he’s running around in the hot sun wearing this armor, does he stop and think, what if I’m wrong? And while David is hiding in one of the caves, Saul, it says, needs to relieve himself. And Saul goes into this cave to relieve himself. It’s hilarious. You should read it on your own sometime. And Saul goes into the cave to relieve himself and it, it’s the same cave that David’s is hiding in the darkness there. If you’ve ever been in a cave, it’s pitched black. So Saul’s doing his thing and he’s right next to David. David creeps forward, cuts off a corner of his robe and then goes back into the darkness. Saul finishes, goes outside with all of his men, and a few moments later there’s David, he emerges from the shadows into the sunlight and he’s like, Saul, why are you pursuing me? Look, I could have killed you.

10 This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I had compassion on you; I said “I will not lay my hand on my Lord because he is the Lord’s anointed. 1 Samuel 24

“Let me take a look this day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I had compassion on you. I said, I will not lay my hand on my Lord, because he is the Lord’s anointed.”  I will not lay my hand on the one God has chosen because he is the one the Lord has anointed. Far be it from me to harm or to damage the reputation of the one you have chosen to lead this nation. And there in the middle of that little speech with David holding the robe is the new word that God interjects into Saul’s vocabulary. It’s a word that has been absent from his life ever since David killed Goliath.

COMPASSION

Compassion. Compassion. It’s a wild word if you think about it. It’s, it’s really hard to define. But what happens after this moment is Saul begins to change his heart as softens for David as reconciliation because of this word that God introduces into his vocabulary. God begins to tell a new story with compassion. So before we get into this a little bit more, I want you to take 15 seconds. Honestly, just take 15 seconds, turn to the person next to you. How would you define the word compassion? And don’t paint with a broad brush stroke. Try to write Webster’s definition. What is compassion? Okay. And turn your neighbor. Go. 15 seconds. Go.

All right. Now the other person, the quiet one, you have to define it. All right. Lemme hear some of your answers. Caitlin over here said, empathy. Kind of like sympathy. Something along those lines. What about you guys? What else you got? Shout it out. You got to be loud so we can all hear grace and forgiveness. I’m going to use that for sure. What was it? Understanding. Ooh. Yeah, understanding. That’s good. Put yourself. Yeah. So put yourself in the other person’s shoes, understanding That’s actually a lot of empathy right there too. Yeah, something there. That’s good. I did not go there with my brain, but that’s absolutely there. What’s that? Reaching out and reaching out. Yeah, it’s not passive. It’s active. Yeah, that’s good. So compassion in terms of a scriptural definition, it’s kindness. Maybe you guys use that as your definition. Love something along those lines.

That’s like a synonym. But if we’re going to define it, we got to get more nuance to it. It’s something between or both of actually it’s a combination of grace, and we’ve talked about this a lot, but I’ll say it again because it’s worth memorizing or remembering. Grace is giving someone the good that they don’t deserve. That’s why it’s grace. It’s like a gift. You don’t deserve it otherwise or earn it otherwise it wouldn’t be a gift anymore. It’s a gift, right? So it’s giving someone the good, they don’t deserve mercy is not giving someone the bad they do deserve. So mercy is like spare me. I throw myself at the mercy of the court, don’t give me what I deserve. So grace is giving someone the good they don’t deserve. We’ve talked about this in other sermon series. And then mercy is not getting the bad you do deserve.

And compassion is kind of like both of them. And I love the empathy, putting yourself in their shoes, the activeness of it, because yes, absolutely in this moment, David gives Saul compassion. He gives him mercy in that he doesn’t kill him. And then he gives him grace opportunity to reconcile once again reconciliation that Saul does not deserve. So it’s both of them. And this amazing thing starts to happen with compassion. Because notice when we think about the negative, the words that we use, actually Brian, can you go back to that? The list of the four statements that we use that are common. There you go. Notice how passive we are in this. We’re victims in this. We’re thinking with a victim mindset. They did this to me. I’m passively receiving this. I am helplessly. I’m a victim. They didn’t finish the paperwork I asked them for.

They just want something from me. They’re avoiding me. They’re not liking me. They’re jealous of me. You’re a victim. But compassion changes that. Compassion is this active agent and it gives you agency, it empowers you in a situation where you would otherwise be victimized and it empowers you and says, no. Go and do something active. Be an agent of change. Be a storyteller in this situation, a storyteller of what God can do. So look at the words that we kind of put it up as a word cloud.

ANGUISH    ANGER     TORMENT     BITTERNESS

RESENTMENT     JUDGEMENT     JEALOUSY     FEAR     MANIPULATION

The words associated with all of these negative motives that when we assign negative motives, it is judgments. You are pronouncing, you are making an accusation, you’re declaring a verdict over a person. This is who you are. This is what you are. And what follows the judgment is anger, torment, bitterness, anguish, fear, resentment, jealousy and manipulation. It reads like the life of Saul.

PEACE     COMFORT     HOPE     CONTENTMENT

ACCEPTANCE     COMPASSION     JOY     TRUST     COURAGE

But when you interject compassion and replace judgment with compassion, look at what happens. All of these words begin to change. You begin to feel comfort and hope for the future. You begin to feel a sense of contentment and peace because they can’t change. They’re not going to affect your identity. You’re not a victim. You’re an agent of change. It gives you hope and trust, acceptance, joy, and courage. And think of how different Saul’s life would have been if he had acted with compassion towards David.

It would’ve saved all the money and the time of chasing after him. Thousands of men playing a game of hide and seek in the desert. It’s mental fatigue. If it’s true for Saul, it’s true for you. How different would your life be if you were an agent of compassion instead of a victim of pronouncing judgment? And I know all of a sudden I think about my own life, like the people who disappoint me or the people who upset me. Yeah, maybe there’s a pattern there, but compassion makes me change the way I approach that person. It does. And again, I’m preaching to myself guys, and I’m running through scenarios in my head where it changes the way I act in a situation. And I’m guilty of this just as much as you are. And actually, if you’re a non-confrontational person, the reason you’re non-confrontational is fear and compassion changes that. And if it doesn’t make you actually want to reach out to the person and embolden you well at least it changes. The reason that you choose not to confront them, you forgive them.

CHRIST’S COMPASSION FOR YOU

Now, I know it’s really hard to be compassionate to people who don’t deserve it. The person who hurts you again and again and again over and over in your life. I know you don’t want to forgive them. I know you don’t want to give them mercy and grace. I know you don’t want to practice empathy and put yourself in their shit. I know that it’s hard, but there’s a secret sauce that we have here in the church. Paul writes about it in his letter to a group of first century Christians in a place called Ephesus when he says, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

And everyone in the room who’s hearing it this red, they’re like, yeah, but that’s hard. And then Paul says, but here’s why. Be kind of compassionate to one another, forgiving one another just as in Christ, God forgave you. In other words, before you go and try to do this on your own, remember God has done for you how in Christ, how you were the rebel. You were the one that was harming him. You were the one who broke his laws again and again and again, and he had compassion on you, giving you mercy and grace and putting himself in your shoes actually to the point of coming to die for you in your place.

And so you’re not trying to muster up something, find the willpower and like I’m going to find it within me to be compassionate. No, no, no. You’re just extending to others the same compassion that you yourself have received. You’re letting it flow through you. And the same spirit of God that was at work can be at work in you. Every week I end my sermons with a prayer and a confessing. Sometimes we do a general confession, but I always say a general confession, convicts nobody in specific. And so I always like after a sermon when we’re all convicted a little bit and comforted at the same time to confess to God how we’ve fallen short. But then to start telling a new story. And we pronounce absolution, we pronounce forgiveness afterwards. And today I want to do the same thing. And I want to take a moment to confess how we have assigned negative motives to people, how we have slandered others, how we often have put the worst construction on things to make ourselves look good, how we’ve maligned the character of others that all of us should be convicted at this point. If you’ve been listening at all, and I want to take a moment instead of just confessing sins in general, to confess that sin. And then as the Lord’s anointed, as your ordained pastor of this congregation, the leader that God has chosen for this time and this place, I want to pronounce to you as his representative, forgiveness, compassion.

And so, my friends, will you say these words with me,

All: almighty God, our maker, and redeemer, we confess to you that we are by nature, sinful and unclean, and that we have sinned against you by what we think, what we say and what we do. Therefore, we come before your throne of grace and mercy this day, seeking your forgiveness through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Pastor Chris Paavola:  Upon this, your confession of your sins. I as a called and ordained servant of the Word, your pastor announced to you the grace of God. I forgive you all of your sins in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

And so now as recipients of compassion, let it flow, baby. Let it flow through you. Be compassionate and extend to others the same compassion that you yourselves have received that’ll change your home, your workplace. Be compassionate on the way home when you get cut off in traffic, be compassionate at the coworker who once again doesn’t hit the assignment. Be compassionate at your neighbor who hasn’t mowed their lawn yet, sorry, and start writing a new story as a storyteller. Will you pray with me?

PRAYER

Our father, who arts in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen.